Aug 15, 2012

In Search of new things a Mother’s Memoire

Only two days left until my oldest son Sam leaves for college. I have mixed feelings  and a heart full of emotions.  My throat hurts from the straining of trying to keep that lump down that is fighting so hard to release crying  as I write this despite the tears that stream my face.  I have found myself many times sobbing. I will miss him tremendously . It will be hard but I know this is the beginning of his path to greater things.   I found this poem he showed me when he was a younger boy  that he liked so much back then.  It seemed fitting  to remember it  …..

Reading that makes me smile because I imagine the young boy he was and getting the whole concept even then.  I know he will do great things  with an attitude so full of hope and inspiration .

 I never really have been comfortable with change though. I suppose its all the uncertainty that comes with it. The last few days of our ordinary life as we are,  will become different . My three boys  will soon  be  two . Our house already feels larger and less cozy as I think about that. One less pair of feet trotting down the stairs on their way out the door and a big strong hug to welcome .

Life doesn’t stop does it? It just keeps moving and the last 18 and a half years of  memories seem like not enough.  I wasn’t really ready for him to go but would I ever if it were up to me? I don’t feel like I finished my job ….. He was the first  reason why I loved being a mom. He proved all the cliches to be true. There was nothing better to me than being a mom.

I try to see the best in this though.

Possibly fewer  sleepless late nights waiting for him to come through the door  {a mother’s worry no matter what} . Possibly  less muddy & black  greasy laundry from 4 wheel parts removal will be an upside yet I will miss that smell somehow even though I don’t care for it.  Less messes in the kitchen since  the stove becomes frequently splattered with  his random creations of bacon and other foods he likes to cook ,yet I like those tasty creations he makes me sample.   But that big friendly smile will be missed  everyday. . .  Always seeing the positive  in everything . Always being excited for the  day and his  adventures. That’s Sam .

 I look forward to hearing about them and his many adventures ahead. . .

Here’s To many more adventures…..



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